Episode 16. Susan Piver: On The 4 Noble Truths of Love And The Wisdom Of The Enneagram

In this episode we chat to the amazing Susan Piver about her latest book The 4 Noble Truths of Love and understanding meditation as a path to love. Susan is a New York Times Best-Selling author of 9 books, a meditation teacher, a speaker and a long-time Buddhist practitioner. She runs the largest virtual mindfulness community in the world, the Open Heart Project, which has more than 30,000 members. Susan is incredibly wise, insightful and kind and we're so grateful for everything she shared with us. 

We discuss how Susan first became interested in Buddhism, why this particular spiritual path appealed to her and how this led to her becoming a meditation teacher. We explore the way that Susan views meditation as a path to love rather than a self-improvement technique or life-hack. Susan explains how through sitting with yourself in meditation and allowing yourself to just be who you are, this opens you up to gentleness. And as you practice softening towards yourself, this allows you to soften towards others and approach them with the same compassion and gentleness.

We talk about the intersection between intimate relationships and self-love and how the way that you treat yourself and talk to yourself can bleed over into your intimate relationship and the way you talk to your partner. The closer you get to a person, the more intertwined you become and if you’re someone who speaks harshly to yourself, as these boundaries become blurred, you’ll probably find yourself speaking harshly to your partner.

We also talk about the notion people have that you have to love yourself first in order to be in a healthy, loving relationship and why Susan believes this is a myth and in some ways, an act of aggression towards yourself.

We go through her 4 Noble Truths of Love as a helpful way of understanding modern relationships and the personal insight Susan has gained from her own marriage of 20 years. Last but not least, we chat to Susan about the wisdom of the enneagram - an ancient typology tool that is extremely helpful in understanding yourself and others. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed chatting to and learning from Susan.

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Resources Mentioned:

Susan Piver’s Enneagram Workshop - https://susanpiver.com/event/enneagram-daylong-program/

The 4 Noble Truths Of Love - https://www.amazon.com/Four-Noble-Truths-Love-Relationships/dp/1732277605

Susan Piver video interview with Jonathan Fields - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/video/mindfulness-serendipity-and-the-unplanned-life/

Episode 15. Jonathan Fields: On Deepening Self-Awareness And Finding Work That Lights You Up As An Act Of Self-Love

In this episode we chat to the amazing Jonathan Fields about self-awareness, creating communities of belonging and uncovering your unique source code so you can find meaningful work that lights you up. Jonathan is an award-winning author, serial entrepreneur, community-builder, speaker and teacher. He’s been featured everywhere from The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Inc., SmartCompany and Entrepreneur to the pages of Vogue, Elle, Allure, Yoga Journal, Mind + Body, USA Today, and People just to name a few. He’s incredibly inspiring, genuine, full of integrity and he truly cares for people. He’s also the reason the 3 of us met in the first place, so it was a real thrill to get to interview someone who’s had such a significant impact on our lives. 

We discuss the ways in which self-awareness is a precursor to self-love and how so much of Jonathan’s work has a focus on self-enquiry and developing a deep level of self-knowledge. We look at where his fascination with the human condition, psychology and human performance began in college, how he followed that curiosity over the years and the profound impact that 9/11 had on his life and work.

We talk about the way we learn to love ourselves in relation to the way we interact with others and how important it is to find communities that foster connection, acceptance and belonging. Jonathan shares so much insight about how we can create amazing communities by being completely open about the values the community stands for, modelling those behaviours, and intentionally designing experiences with social dynamics, interaction and safety in mind. It’s this safe container that allows people to be open and vulnerable, which is what leads to greater connection and belonging.

We also go into Jonathan’s latest work with Sparketypes, which is all about helping you discover your unique source code for work that fills you with a sense of meaning and purpose and allows you to feel fully engaged and fully expressed in the world.

We discuss how unloving it is to spend the vast majority of your time doing things that conflict with your essential nature, and why so many people find themselves in this position with the work that they do. Jonathan believes that through learning more about who you are, what matters to you most, and what feels deeply meaningful, this gives you the self-knowledge to know what to say yes or no to in a way that nourishes you and it’s these choices that lead to self-fulfilment or self-love.

Finally, we talk about Jonathan’s self-care rituals and why dark chocolate just might be the solution to everything. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jonathan.

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Resources Mentioned:

Good Life Project - www.goodlifeproject.com 

Sparketypes - https://www.goodlifeproject.com/sparketest/

Episode 14. Creating Space In Your Life

On this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about creating space in your life and what that can do for you. In today’s modern world, we’ve become so used to packing our schedules with all sorts of tasks and events, that there are very few moments where we stop, take a breath and really ask ourselves what we need. 

I talk about a recent digital detox I decided to take, and what it felt like to be completely disconnected from all devices and alone with my thoughts. We discuss the ways we’ve become accustomed to plugging every second of space with checking our phones, and what it’s like when that reflex is taken away.

Lindsay talks about her latest art project and how she has created the space for that in her life. We look at how creating space can be seen or feel as though it’s self-indulgent, and how we can reframe that and recognise that creating space is essential for all of us. We also discuss the fact that so many people are addicted to being busy and why it is that we resist creating space in the first place.

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Episode 13. Jeffrey Davis: On Remembering Your Young Genius And Tracking Wonder As A Path To Self-Love

In this episode we chat to the incredible Jeffrey Davis about his own experiences with self-love and what it’s come to mean to him in his life. Jeffrey is an author, a branding consultant, a speaker, a workshop facilitator, a father of 2 girls and one of the kindest and most genuine people we’ve met. He’s full of wisdom and insight and generously shares so much of that with us in this episode. 

We discuss the power of reconnecting with your younger self and uncovering, what Jeffrey refers to as your young genius. What were those innate and wonderful character traits and qualities that you embodied as a young child and how can you show up with them today? Remembering your young genius and honoring your essential nature is a beautiful act of self-love. After all, the more you can develop a deep understanding of who you are, what makes you come alive and really nurture those things, the more enriching your life will be.

We talk about Jeffrey’s lifelong fascination with tracking wonder - what it means and how wonder can actually be a vehicle towards self-love. As Jeffrey so eloquently says “moments of wonder can open you up to seeing yourself and the natural beauty and truth of yourself again. And that’s true in helping you see other people anew as well.” In fact, Jeffrey talks about how one of the greatest indicators of self-love is when you’re all the more open to the world and others around you.

We also look at the ways that self-love can enhance a person’s creativity and how a healthy self-regard is needed in order for people to listen to their young genius over the naysayers and have the courage to put their creative ideas into the world. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed speaking to Jeffrey.

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Resources Mentioned:

Tracking Wonder - www.trackingwonder.com

Tracking Wonder Podcast - https://trackingwonder.com/podcast/#episodes

Episode 12. What Would You Do If You Loved Yourself?

On this week’s episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we’re talking about one of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself - what would you do if you loved yourself? It’s a question you may never have asked, and it’s one that can have a profound impact on your life. It’s a question we encourage you to use as a filter for your decision-making. You can use it for the tiny day-to-day questions like, what do I want to eat today? And you can use it for the big life-changing decisions like, do I stay in this relationship or move on?

We look at where Lindsay, Koes and I are each using this question in our life at the moment and what’s coming up for us. We talk about the importance of continuing to ask this question again and again, because the answer can shift and change from day to day. It’s all about tuning in to how you feel in the present moment, being honest with yourself, trusting the answer to that question and then having the courage to take action in alignment with your answer.

We also discuss how this question can help you to set healthy boundaries and whether or not this question can also lead to selfish behaviour when the answer to it negatively impacts other people.

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Episode 11. Practising Self-Compassion As An Entry Point To Self-Love

For many people the term self-love can be quite confronting. It’s easy to confuse self-love with being arrogant, egotistical or narcissistic, which is the complete opposite of what self-love is all about. Essentially self-love is about treating yourself with kindness and compassion no matter what is happening in your life, because after all, this is the way that you treat people that you love.  If you’re struggling with self-love and where to begin, a great entry point is through learning to practise self-compassion, which is what this episode is all about.

We look at what self-compassion is and give you practical examples of where Lindsay, Koes and I have each practised self-compassion in our own lives.  We talk about why the tendency to beat yourself up and use punishment as a form of motivation just doesn’t work and we offer an alternative, kinder way of being. 

We discuss the benefits of dropping your impeccably high standards and how lowering the bar can actually lead to wonderful results. 

We also share Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion break, which is a 3-part mindfulness process that you can use to help deepen your self-compassion and self-love.

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Resources Mentioned:

Dr. Kristin Neff’s website - www.selfcompassion.org 

Episode 10. Valentines Day Special: Self-Love In And Out Of Relationships

With Valentine’s Day in the air, we wanted to explore what self-love looks like in and out of relationships. Whether you’re happily single, unhappily single, happily coupled, unhappily coupled, what does self-love look like when we practice it in our relationships?

I talk about how self-love plays out in my life as a single woman and how I am both happily single, but also wanting an intimate relationship. I believe it was cultivating self-love that moved me from unhappily single to happily single, as I was no longer relying on someone else to make me feel loved and accepted.

Lindsay and Koes talk about what self-love looks like in their marriage and how their behaviour towards one another has changed as a result of them each building their self-love.  They talk about the early days of their marriage when they didn’t know what self-love was and how they used to rely on one another to feel loved.

We also look at how relationships can be the best space to explore self-love and how it’s important to understand that self-love isn’t a destination you arrive at, but an ongoing process and a way of treating yourself. The best question to ask yourself is - how do I love myself in this moment?

We also share tools and tips for how to feel the way you want to feel this Valentines Day, no matter what your relationship status.

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Resources Mentioned:

Emily McDowell Studio - https://emilymcdowell.com/

Episode 9. Using Counter-Evidence To Counteract Negative Self-Belief

What if there was a simple tool you could use to literally undo negative self-beliefs and rewire your brain? What if there was a way to quickly realise that the negative thoughts you hold about yourself are just stories that you’re making up and that you have the power to create a more helpful, positive story? The good news is, there is such a tool and we share it with you in this episode.

This episode looks at your in-built confirmation bias - essentially the way in which your brain is actively seeking evidence all day long for what you already believe to be true - and how that can be incredibly destructive when you have a negative self-belief. Your confirmation bias is always going to find evidence that this negative self-belief is true, because that’s what it’s designed to do.  

The counter-evidence tool that we share in this episode is designed to counteract your confirmation bias. The good news is, that for every piece of evidence there is always counter evidence to support the opposing viewpoint - it’s just that you aren’t used to looking for it. If you actively look for the counter evidence to your negative self-belief, you will find it, and as you continue to do so, you will build a large body of evidence that supports an alternate, positive self-belief.

We also look at the ways that you can make using this tool a habit, through implementing the work of Gretchen Rubin (https://gretchenrubin.com/) and her Four Tendencies framework. For anyone that isn’t familiar with Gretchen Rubin’s work, we encourage you to take her Four Tendencies quiz here (https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/) and find out which tendency you fall into so that you can use the counter evidence tool in a way that works for you.

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Episode 8. Gayla Gower: On Grappling With Divorce And Learning To Trust Yourself

In this episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we speak to Gayla Gower about her journey to self-compassion and trusting herself. This is a deep dive into Gayla’s personal story, how she ended up in an unhappy marriage, with 3 children, trying to mask the daily pain that she was experiencing, and how ultimately she was able to move through the pain and choose herself. 

We talk to Gayla about the woman she was when she first got married - a person who didn’t trust herself, who decided to trust what her friends and family thought more than her own gut. Gayla gives us an insight into what her marriage felt like, and how she was able to recognize that the unhealthy and neglectful treatment in her marriage was something that felt familiar to her because of her childhood.  

Gayla openly shares how a strongly-held belief that her children would turn out better if they had 2 parents kept her from getting a divorce and the insightful comment that her therapist made, which shifted the way Gayla saw the whole situation.

As someone who exemplifies love and compassion, Gayla’s story is a beautiful one of resilience, building self-trust and getting a second chance at life so that Gayla can now be fully herself - a woman who sees it as her mission to bring joy to the world.

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Episode 7. A Self-Loving Approach To Goal Setting

Do you ever set goals and fail to achieve them? Or have you ever set yourself a goal and achieved it, only to feel underwhelmed and strangely apathetic about it all?  Do you like setting New Year’s resolutions? Or does the very thought of them make you cringe? In this episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, we talk about our relationship to goal setting and how you can infuse more self-love into the process.

For many people, the New Year can be a positive time of reflection, where you pause to take stock of your achievements and learnings from the previous year and think about what you most want to create for the year ahead.  It can be a time that feels inspiring and motivating, which gives rise to a lot of New Year’s Resolutions. 

But for the majority of people, the inspiration and motivation doesn’t last, with one study suggesting that only 8% of people actually achieve their New Year’s goals.  So what’s going on here?  Why are so many people failing to follow-through on the resolutions that they set for themselves?

In this episode, we talk about some of the reasons this might be happening - from unhealthy goal-setting to the difference between goals and habits and why sometimes setting goals can actually be counterproductive to creating the changes we want to make. 

We discuss the importance of intrinsic motivation, setting feelings-based goals and being kind to yourself in the pursuit of a goal.

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Resources mentioned:

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte: http://www.daniellelaporte.com/thedesiremap/

Episode 6. Kristoffer “KC” Carter: On The Power Of Meditation To Cultivate A Loving Relationship With Yourself

In this episode we chat to the amazing Kristoffer “KC” Carter, a meditation teacher, retreat leader, workplace culture consultant and transformational coach, who we believe is a great role model of self-love.  For anyone who’s had the pleasure of meeting KC, you’ll know he’s someone who is completely himself, totally unique and authentic in his expression, which makes him so fun to be around - his energy is magnetic.  And this is one of the great benefits of having self-love - when you’re comfortable in who you are and you love and accept yourself, you have the freedom to be completely YOU in every moment, and that energy and spirit is irresistible. In this episode, we dive into the power of meditation to improve the relationship you have with yourself, which KC believes is one of the most highly intentional relationships you need to have in your life. 

KC shares a helpful exercise called a Lens Statement, which is about crafting an overarching personal philosophy through which you see the world. It affirms who you are in your highest potential and becomes a beautiful and powerful way of talking to yourself.  

We talk about KC’s journey with self-love and how it started with him trying to become somebody that he wanted to spend time with. This simple way of approaching self-love has brought a sense of play to it all - KC mentions how he sees it as a big game to try and be someone whose company he enjoys.  

We also go into KC’s journey with sobriety and the way he defines the virtue of sobriety as being in complete alignment with your circumstances and not hiding anywhere.  Sobriety has become so much more than just giving up drinking, it is something that KC moves towards in all aspects of his life because it deepens his relationship with himself and others.

Finally we discuss all of the incredible benefits of meditation, from a scientific, physiological and spiritual perspective. KC talks about the connection to self-love and how meditation is really about the ability to be present with all of the noise in your head and redirect your awareness back towards the truth of your heart.

Stay tuned until the end of this episode, because KC guides us through a beautiful and powerful self-love meditation. And for anyone interested in beginning their meditation journey, or deepening it, then please join KC’s free 30 day meditation challenge in January   

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Resources mentioned:

Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/

KC's 30-Day Free Meditation Challenge: http://www.thisepiclife.com/30/

KC's TedX Talk: https://youtu.be/zcTKrDs2RAw?t=15216

Episode 5. Practising Self-Love During The Holidays

The holidays can be a time of year when it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stretched for time.  There are so many different social activities, demands on your time and often family politics to navigate.  Whilst it can be a time that is full of gratitude, happiness and joy, there can also be a lot of really difficult emotions that come to the surface at this time of year.  Particularly for anyone who has experienced grief or loss, the holidays can be a reminder of those difficult times and loved ones who may no longer be around.

In this episode we talk about what it looks like to practise self-love during the holidays.  How can you create a holiday season that feels calm and peaceful rather than stressful and exhausting? We share simple tools that you can use to incorporate self-love into the month of December and make sure that you’re serving your own needs at this busy time of year. 

We talk about healthy ways to process your emotions instead of numbing them, and I share a simple way that you can start your day in a self-loving way by creating a morning routine.  However and whatever you celebrate at this time of year, we wish you all a peaceful, joyful and (self) love-filled holiday season

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Episode 4. Koes Bong: Self-Worth, Unemployment And Self-Love

In the world we live in, self-love and self-compassion are topics that are slowly becoming more popular and are being talked about amongst women, but it’s rare to find men that discuss these ideas. 

In this episode we interview one of our co-founders, Koes, and get an insight into the world of self-love and self-compassion from a man’s perspective. What are the unique challenges that men face and why is it harder for men to access and discuss these ideas?

As we delve into Koes’ story, we learn how his upbringing in Indonesia, his family’s definition of success and the traditional way in which he viewed himself as the male breadwinner of the family all played a role in establishing his sense of worth. 

For Koes, his self-worth was wrapped up in his intelligence and his ability to earn a lot of money, which meant that he put a lot of pressure on himself to be financially successful. So when Koes unexpectedly lost his job in November 2017, this became the ultimate test of his capacity to love himself and treat himself with compassion, and not equate his self-worth with his job and his financial success. Who was he really without all the labels?

We also look at Koes’ entry point into the world of self-love and self-compassion which came through attending Camp GLP, being exposed to new ideas, and confronting his long-held beliefs about himself and the world. Koes began meditating when he was at camp, which has become a daily practice for him, and has played a big role in his self-love and self-compassion journey. 

Koes shares his tips for anyone who wants to start a meditation practice and he also has a message for any men listening who think that self-love and self-compassion are not for them.

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Meditation resources Koes shares:

Camp GLP (https://www.goodlifeproject.com/camp-glp/)

KC’s 30 Day Meditation Challenge (https://www.thisepiclife.com/30/)

Insight Timer (https://insighttimer.com/)

Episode 3. Lindsay Bong: On Breaking Free Of The Need For The Approval Of Others

Do you feel as though you need to please everyone? Do you ever do things for other people because you want them to like and accept you? Do you put other people’s needs before your own and fear that if you start to put your own needs first and practice self-love that you’ll become selfish? Don’t worry, you are not alone. In this episode, you’ll hear the personal story of our co-founder, Lindsay, and how she broke free of the need to constantly serve others and win their approval.

Lindsay talks about the way in which she always felt that she had to work out what others needed from her and make sure she was meeting those needs so that they would like and accept her. She shares how this can make you forget who you are and deny your own needs and wants, essentially becoming invisible, in order to please others.  

We go into Lindsay’s upbringing, the role that her Christian faith has played alongside her journey of self-love, what happens when your self-worth is wrapped up in being of service to others, and how to show up in your relationships without expectations.  

We also talk about the way in which being a parent and wanting to instill a sense of self-love in her children became Lindsay’s gateway into realising the importance of building her own self-love and self-compassion.

Lindsay shares how she builds her self-love or “fills her love cup”, as she puts it, and talks about her “joy diet”, which you’ll want to tune in for.

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Episode 2. Sam Thomas: On Overcoming Poor Body Image Through Self-Love

Do you ever look in the mirror and not like what you see? Do you have a self-critical voice that kicks into gear and starts saying unkind things to your reflection? “You’re fat, you’re ugly, you have dark circles under your eyes, you look old, your hair looks terrible today etc. etc.” If you can relate to this type of negative self-talk or if you’ve ever struggled with poor body image, then this episode is for you.

In the first episode of You Are Infinitely Loved, I’m interviewed about my personal journey with self-love and how I was able to move from a place of high self-loathing and very poor body image to a place of complete self-acceptance and self-love. 

We go back into my past, where the self-loathing began, how it continued and grew worse throughout high school, the way it showed up for me in her twenties and then we look at the pivotal moment when it was pointed out to me that there might be another way of looking at my body and a path to self-acceptance.

I also share my number one tool for turning down the volume on your negative self-talk, and why I believe that self-loathing (and NOT self-love) is one of the most selfish ways of being.

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Episode 1. Welcome To The You Are Infinitely Loved Podcast

In this intro episode, the 3 co-founders of the project, Lindsay, Koes and I talk about why we started this podcast and what our hopes and dreams are for the podcast going forward.

This is a podcast about self-love and self-compassion. What would your life look, feel, and be like if you went through the world with the belief that you are infinitely loved? How does self-love and self-compassion change your life? And more importantly, how do you go about building your self-love and incorporating these practices into your life? This is what Lindsay, Koes and I want to explore on the podcast and we’re so excited you’re here to join us.

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